25 July 2011

Dear Anonymous

Kundalini is the life current. Or we might say the life force. When it intensifies or awakens itself our subtle body goes through many changes. Sometimes it happens after years of preparation and other times it is a spontaneous awakening. Sometimes it triggers shifts in consciousness that might appear to be depersonalization or a lack of personal identity.

You ask why anyone would want this. People who long for self realization have no control over the longing. It may happen before or after the activation of kundalini. It is like The sexual drive It simply arises at a certain stage of life in some people. Others never become interested and have a passion or focus or other things. It is not the ego that wants self-realization. It is the deep true Self wanting to be liberated from the contractions of the conditioned persona that a person carries, which is usually the cause of unnecessary suffering. Some say they want to end suffering. Some feel a need to know if there is a God or they are wanting to know the meaning of life. Most spiritual seekers do not realize the depth of the deconstruction that spiritual awakening brings, and the true nature of surrender, until they are very deeply engaged in the process It can move from great transcendence and bliss and joy to a feeling of falling apart very quickly. It is not a mistake when this happens. It is the just the way it works for most people

If you have seen clearly that you are not the separate self but are the life force or universal source or spirit (whatever you might call this which is unnamable), and know you are only wearing the cloak or playing the role of a human identity, the mind might react with terror or sadness or some other emotion to pull you back into old patterns. This understanding is very threatening to the ego structure. Some people feel pulled back and forth for years between old patterns of identification and experiences of pure consciousness

There is no question that when awakening happens there can be a loss of drive and of interest in the things you used to enjoy and identify with. This is a very common concern. It is like a whole layer of who we are just falls away. Most people have to find their way into a new way to live. It helps to remember to just be in the moment with what is with consciousness and heart rather than thought. It helps to get out into nature or to explore a few activities you feel drawn to. It helps to set an intention of living in a way that feels intuitively authentic for you and give up concerns about what other people think. You may realize that how you see the world is not the way the mainstream of our society sees it and this can feel lonely to the mind, so it helps to find community and read teachings by those who share your perspective. You can reenter society, work, school, and old activities but you may not feel as engaged in these things as you did in the past. If something feels important or right to do you can learn to consciously lean in and do it even if there is an underlying detachment. This feels better than complete lack of involvement in life. If you do this you will eventually find those activities that are a good fit for you. It is like learning anything. You can learn how to live with life and enjoy other people even though you feel somewhat uninvolved. You can find joy and compassion and curiosity and love in new and unexpected ways, especially if you are just present in the moment with what is! If you can allow your heart to be open, eventually there can be a deep relaxation in just being who you are with no concern for an image and the end of a running dialogue in your head about what you should or shouldn't be.

Often those who go through these changes need to be more grounded, more fully present in their bodies. You can use your intuition about how to eat but it is very helpful not to use intoxicants or drugs and to be sure you get enough protein. You may feel inclined to be vegetarian but if so plan a healthy diet with protein it. Your general health and any challenging issues with digestion may require dietary changes everyone is different in this regard so I cannot make specific suggestions. If you have concerns you might see an Ayurvedic practitioner who can look at your body type and energy and tell you specific suggestions for balance. If there is a lot of energy you may feel extremes of hunger or no appetite at all for a while. There are numerous variations in what the body wants and needs at this time. If the energy is very intense some yogis recommend drinking warm milk with sugar and ghee in it, saying this is a calming drink, certain herbs and oils help with calming the energy down and some yogic asanas are useful for stretching and opening the body so that the energy becomes more harmonious. Many people feel a need to avoid stressful and crowded environments, at least temporarily

You may feel you have had an experience you would like to avoid, feeling you had no true desire for it. But in fact something drew you to the practices that triggered it Even though the result was not what you had thought it would be. You can try to reenter your old life or you can look for the teachings that will confirm your experience and support a new kind of life. You can see the experience as a great blessing and a gift of insight meant to happen in this life or you can put it on a back burner and see it only as a passing phase. Often spiritual growth takes place in spurts and a deep experience is followed by some years of ordinary living and then another leap happens later in life. I would say that is how it was for me, with several distinct stages between the ages of 28 and 60. Everyone has a unique journey in this process that is really only leading us back to our Self, which we come to see was here all along.

You might find the writings of Adyashanti ( esp. “Falling Into Grace” or “The End of Your World”), or Jeff Foster (“An Extraordinary Absence”)helpful. Both had awakenings as young men and describe their way of finding how to move in the world through their writings.


Anonymous said...

Hi Bonnie,
I was wondering if you have a list of MDs,who are
familiar with the Kundalini process.
I live in California, Los Angeles. I am looking for a
doctor for help with the symptoms related to this
Thank you for your book, Energies of transformation.
It is a great support.

Anonymous said...

Dear Bonnie, thanks a lot for your analysis of mi case. My symptoms are still the same. At your suggestion I've discovered Fr.Thomas Keating - a great man,who I can say is working very hard to convey the message that we all can be transformed by renouncing to our false selves, very difficult thing to do, indeed. I've read some books on buddishm, very enlightening, and a classic Zen book by Zhuzuki. I'm reading too The Baghava Gita. At this particular stage of my spiritual awakening I really don't know where I am. I am trying to do centering prayer and continue with my rutine daily life but i am not satisfied.I feel trapped between my longing for freedom -mostly financial- from others, and my need to do something with my life, not just as creative but also financially rewarding. It seems that the energy is slowing down the process by which i think I would feel more accomplished. I know that my sense of accomplishment might differs from what the energy thinks will be good to my spiritual growth. It simply is very difficult to achieve a balance between our lonely path and the need to do things, good things for oneself and others: I' m thinking of starting a vegetable garden in my farm. Thanks for your support.I'll read your book soon. Maria from the Philippines.

Anonymous said...

Hi there,

I just found your web-page, and am writing to you, cause I wish that someone could tell me what's going on with my body and what's more to come.

2,5 years back I had an extreme spiritual experience that lasted for about 2 months, involving a feeling of higher conscioussness, complete change of bodily sensation, the experience of understanding the truth and unity of life on an embodied level as well as the perfection of life. it changed my perception of life, reality and myself profoundly, as if a button had been pushed in the brain to deliver a different kind of message than before..

Anyway, these sensations slowly turned into highly painful bodily symptoms like extreme pressure in the chest, spasms, disorientation, a feeling of the ground dissappearing under the feet, a feeling of high energy moving inside my body or energy being stuck inside, movement of the bones in the skull to keep the energy from moving, and basically having a less and less integrated sense of the self. As if 1000 v were running through a 160 v cable.

Anyway, the symptoms are somewhat manageable for now, but I'm wondering if my body will ever be the same. Especially I wonder if I can ever get a feeling of groundedness back, that is, the feeling of having ground under my feet. can this stuck energy ever be released?

I've been eating extreme healthy, spending time in nature and these things have really helped. I've also tried trembling, which is said to release the extense energy. yet the exercise does not seem to change my body... at least not remarkably. furthermore, i feel that i need to be careful not to tremble for too long, for that can lead me to an overaroused place.

I'm looking for stories about the dynamics of kundalini and kundalini crisis. Is there anything that I could do about it, and does this energy ever go down? If it does go down, will I ever get the sense of myself back?

Quite franly, I'm pretty fed up with this enlightenment shit, and just want to have a normal life.

Do not take the harsh tone personally! I'm extremely greatful for all help!!

thanks heaps for every bit of knowledge and experience that you can share!

Elle said...

To the Anonymous poster at 6:34pm, I have the same symptoms, especially the spasms and the chest pressure, I am also aware of heartbeat at certain times, I have had a EKG and all just to be sure and nothing is turning up. I am told that it is what is considered "kriyas" the energy is moving and when it encounters blocks we experience it physically...

srk said...

I went thru a spontaneous kundalini 10 or so years ago and did not even know what it was.I was in therapy and in a abusive relationship. I was not into yoga,meditation, etc. I thought I was losing my mind.I was seeing a cognitive therapistat the time who did not know what I was going through other than the abusive relationship. I called a crisis line one nite because I thought I was dying. I was referred to a psychiatrist who wanted to hospitalize me and medicate me. I resisted and went to a catholic church where I was sent away. I went within to my faith and I then proceeded to say prayers asking for what was happening to me and was led to a book by Dr. Grof which explained what was happening to me but I still had to process all my feelings that I had suppressed since childhood (abuse) I was overwhelmed.I also attended a near death support group led by Dr. Barbara Rommer and she did not know what my actual experience was. She has since transitioned herself. She wrote a book called Blessing in Disguise. I have learned so much since that time and am now much more grounded and back in control of my energies. I am looking to find someone in my local area of Broward County Florida who has maybe gone through their own kundalini experience. I have not met anyone yet who has and my family does not understand my experience from my perspective which I do understand as if you have not experienced anything like this it would be difficult to understand from a spiritual perspective. There is much more to my experience but I will not go into all of it now.

El.Mo said...

@Anon, I am currently experiencing ringing in the ears. As well as weird muscle activity....


Anonymous said...

I've been reading all these posts and the info on your website and other material. Don't know if this site is still functioning or not but I will post anyway.
I do not meditate nor am I a seeker of K awakening. Have always been spiritually minded and have had tingling sensations in the past without knowing what it was or it's relation with Kundalini. Have had other kinds of psychic/intuitive experiences on and off thru life but do not seek them out or try to develop them.
I'm not understanding why the physical transformations should be violent and painful to people at times....so many stories of years of pain and discomfort. is this energy completely detached from the physical realites of a person? ...if someone has blocks would not an intelligent energy that was connected to the person's soul experiences be gentler??? How can a body/soul evolve if it is damaged, especially psychologically?? I think this is one of the reasons why many people are skeptical of Kundalini. I'm not sure where I stand, but I had 1 violent/painful experience while I was asleep, and which woke me up. Intense pressure in my head and feeling like something was squeezing my brain between my ears and then loud ringing in my ears... i told it to stop as I was waking up and it did. Afterwards my thoughts were all garbled in my head for a few moments...like a messed up tape recording...but I went back to normal fairly quickly. Before this and presently, I get tingles in my back, legs, all around my head, and sometimes feeling/sensing my 3rd eye area. The other night/morning I felt energy around my knee where I had had a previous minor injury and it felt like it did when I injured it...this lasted a few minutes and then it went away.
The only other sympton seems to be that my digestion has changed, though I am still trying to figure out whether it's related to vitamins I just started taking or a food I am eating more of lately.

Just a note on ringing ears...I think this has to do with intuition and picking up information whether intuitively or via thinking about something. Not sure yet. I also seem to get it at times when I finally begin to relax mentally and I used to get it when I was solving math problems and was calmly concentrated on something.....
Thank you for any comments you might have.

Matt said...

I, recently, have been reading about the Kundalini process from JJ Smeple's books. He might be someone who can answer many of the questions posed. He is also a resident of California, http://www.commonsensekundalini.com/.

Sufian said...

Kundalini is one of the most powerful forces of energy you can experience in your body. I understand the pain many people here are going through after their fully-fledged Awakening occurred. It took me 5 years to fully get over all of the effects, the volatile emotions, anger flashes, mood swings, I could keep on going. The transformation that takes place is absolutely amazing however, and that is what you need to focus on. The positivity at the end of the tunnel, not the swirls of red energy clouding your vision. Look towards the local Chakra points in relation to where you are currently hurting. If you have chest pains, it means your Heart Chakra has built up energies and in need of releasing.

You may also like to read my personal Kundalini Awakening account Kundalini Awakening

Good luck